My wife loves anther man. For the sake of our 2 kids I know I must never speak ill of her in front of them.?

She is planning on moving out and living with him. When the kids ask about what is going on can I express my true feelings about him?

My wife loves anther man. For the sake of our 2 kids I know I must never speak ill of her in front of them.?
Wow. You are so strong!





I am very sorry to hear about your situation. If your children are old enough to ask you anything about dating, then they're old enough to know what's happening with your divorce. Without saying anything negative, your children can form their own opinions on the situation. Even if they are angry at their mom for doing this, I doubt the anger will be strong enough for them to stop loving her.





Children these days are learning things so much faster than any of my parents or even my generation did. They're experiencing drugs, sex and peer pressure at earlier ages than we can even imagine. Don't assume that your kids won't be able to figure out how you actually feel - they have ways of knowing things are different. As long as you're not constantly bashing this woman and teaching the children how to hate others and use hurtful words, then I think it's ok for you to speak about how you feel about what she has chosen to do.





Also, it might not be a bad idea for you and your 2 children to go to a family therapist, just to talk about everything and get everything out in the open. It's great having a therapist there to help you formulate all the things you're trying to say. It may seem weird at first, but eventually you'll be able to be comfortable with talking about the situation with your kids.





I wish you luck. Again, you seem so strong.
Reply:What you say is there mother loves them no matter what problems that occur between you and her.. But only if you feel she does truly love them. This divorce is going to be hard enough without making the kids feel like they have to choose between there parents..
Reply:Tell the kids mommy does not love any of you anymore. She is leaving you in a mess because the selfish ***** can't commit and is not coming back
Reply:No, never express your true feelings about him, they are only children. And they are having a hard time dealing with this already.





You have to talk to them that even though Mommy is moving out, and that their mom and you will not be together, you both will never stop loving them, and you have to try and talk positive about what is going on, and if you have nothing nice to say about this man, I would recommend you not saying a word., just keep all comments to yourself.





You have to make this transition easy on the children, do not think of yourself or what your wife is doing, concentrate on the children, in matters of the heart, the children always suffer.





Try talking to them, and do things with them, and if you see that they are suffering and they really are having a hard time with this, maby they need to talk to a child psychologist, and you need to talk to someone also about this to get some "tools" to handle this situation.





Trying to handle it on your own without any professional help is hard, you need tools to help you with this. And a professional who is trained to help people in your situation and children also.
Reply:Yes





Lying to your kids is worse in the long run.





I can tell you from experience they know what is going on. They know it is wrong. They may not know why it is wrong but the know it and they hate it





It always suprises me when people cheat on someone with whom they have a family and they expect that the new relationship is real.





Here is what you can plan on. She will move in with him, because it is true love. They will break up within two years because everytime they are apart they will know that their partner is willing and has a history of cheating. Pretty soon that pressure will be too much and they will fall apart. She may at that point what her family back. Watch out because she is willing and again has a history of cheating.





Cheating is a flaw in her character.





My ex- left me for a man I thought was my best friend. He told me all along, we would screw a snake if someone would hold it for him. He did not lie to me. He lied to his wife, but he was honest with me, he was a slut.





She is the one who lied to me. Of course he did not tell me the whole truth, kind of a passive lie. But she actively lied to me.





My daughter was 5 when this went down. When she was getting married she explained to me that she knew it all and hated him. Her mother had a string of guys. She was suprised when I remarried. I am married now for 23 years. My daughter totally disrespects her mother but now she is happily married and is one of the most well adjusted kids I know. I have two grand-daughters and I am pretty sure that that new family is going to make it. Those two parents really like to be together.





SORRY this went too long. On the other hand. Remember this is not about you. It is a flaw in her not you.
Reply:It's admirable if you can keep your composure most especially in keeping silent if there are no good things that you can think of about your wife. It's better if you can remain a man of good words. But depending on the age of your kids, I think ten and above kids already understand what is going on and the consequences of your wife's actions.
Reply:Please don't involve the kids into this, they didn't do anything to cause this and they shouldn't have to bare the pain. It is hard (I know), but you will be the better one. The children will draw their own conclusion later. Just be there to listen to them when they have questions, don't make the kids hate their mother. Children need both of their parents if they are together or apart. Good luck, time will mend things.
Reply:tell them that sadly their mom is an self centered whore, and leave it at that!








IT is NOT up to you to make her "look acceptable" in their eyes, KIDS are NOT idiots and they know what time it is! Let them KNOW the truth that SOME WOMEN are not good wives, or good mothers and that its not their fault its HER FAULT!
Reply:man ur in hell...get out of there ASAP!


if u can take the kids great but to go through it...it's too much to take
Reply:when she goes let rip





she made her choice








the choice has a price
Reply:Your love for your kids well being and emotional health will drive you to keep your feelings of hatred to yourself. Just tell the kids that mom %26amp; dad will no longer live in the same house but that she still loves them so much and will see them everyday (whatever timeframe you guys discussed). Sometimes kids minds (depending on the age) know what's happening but look to an adult for reassuurance and stability. Just make sure you constantly reassure them that you are there for them and you really never have to mention her when they ask questions. I would advise to be honest with them as they get older. No kid likes tofind out they were lied to by an adult.
Reply:Well, I don't think you should completely say nice things. you will look like a door mat and you don't want your kids to think that accepting poor treatment is OK. They need to learn to have respect for themselves but in an adult way.





The best thing I can tell you to do is to find a real woman. Not all are like your ex and most can be trusted. Yeah, they will most likely all bang the bad boy next door, but they don't all leave.





Most have sex behind your back and then stick around so you can pay all their bills and then when they are old, they want your retirement.





Actually, you are lucky. Most women have the sex and you never know. At least this other guy has to put up with her and he can be the guy she cheats on from now on.
Reply:I am so sorry that you are going through a difficult time and, that you are heart broken.





Please never, ever speak ill of your wife to your children. Your children will grow up and they will see the reason why your wife left you. Time is on your side. Be the best father you can be. Give your children all the love, attention and patience you can give them. Be there for them, enjoy them truly. Watch for all the wonderful surprises that are in stored for you. Be courteous to their mother no matter what is going on. I know this is easier said than done. You will reap many rewards, I promise you. She is having the time of her life now. You are hurt, feeling betrayed, you are down. Believe and have faith that God has a special plan for you. When you least expect it and when the time is right, a special woman will come into your life. A woman that is worthy of you and you of her.





I send you love, peace and white light. Best of luck! Keep smiling life is short and precious. You have children who need and love you. You can't ask for anything better than that ever.
Reply:NO, NEVER, u dont want ur children to grow up with hatred in there family life...think about it,....the older they are the more they will understand what happened between u and their mother....but the younger they are, the more they arent going to understand and that can cause alot of problems for them.. if they ask tell them ur'll tell them when they're old enough to know....dont lie to them and tell them a happy storey, that might push them away from u or their mother and neither is fair to do so....the more honest u r the better it will be for u....but be aware that the younger they are, the more they arent going to understand.